This is a guest post by Jane Mountain from MyFiveAcres.com
Have you ever experienced this…?
There’s a massive project you know you need to get done. It’s the kind of project that will take your business to the next level and launch you into a new stratosphere. It could be the catalyst that makes your whole solopreneur business LEGIT (and proves all those haters wrong).
And yet…
For some reason, you just can’t manage to get started.
Or, worse still, you have started – 17 times. You just never seem to get past the first step.
There is always some other task you need to do first or something to distract you, like a political argument on Facebook or a Netflix series you just can’t stop watching.
What the hell?
Why does this project feel so HEAVY when you know in your heart you’ve got it in the bag?
Let me introduce you to the solopreneur’s sidekick, our very best frenemy…
Hello Fear.
I’m sure you and Fear have already met. You’ve known each other forever. You know each other intimately.
I hate to break it to you, but fear has been screwing around on you. With EVERYONE.
We all experience fear, we are all blocked by it, driven by it, and controlled by it. I don’t care if you’re Bear Grylls, Beyoncé or freakin’ Thor… you dance with fear every single day.
And you might not even know it’s happening. Fear is a sneaky little bastard like that.
As solopreneurs, we can be extra-vulnerable to fear because:
- We do most of our work alone
- We tend to be introverts, which means we are inside our own heads A LOT
- We don’t have a team to validate our ideas
- There’s no one around to talk us down when a fear spiral starts
Left unchecked, fear can worm its way into our heads and become more real than reality. It can ruin our solopreneur dreams and send us running back to the safe (and boring) world of the 9-to-5ers.
SO, HOW DO YOU SQUASH THE FEAR MONSTER?
The real answers is: you don’t.
Fear is a part of you – it’s never going away.
But the good news is, you CAN master your fears.
So, are you ready to explore your fear in all its hideous glory? Are you ready to make fear YOUR bitch? Are you ready to ride fear’s thorny back all the way to the finish line?
Buckle up because here comes…
A Quick and Dirty Guide to Mastering Fear
This is what we’re gonna cover:
Part 1: Fear, You Bastard – The Nefarious Ways Fear Can Sabotage Your Life
Part 2: You’re Not That Special – The Most Common Solopreneur Fears
Part 3: 10 Ways to Manage Fear – Smart Strategies to Keep Your Fear in its Place
Part 4: 4 Steps to Uncover & Harness Your Fears
Before you get started though, one quick warning.
You don’t master fear by quickly scanning a blog post about it. It takes effort, work, and dedication to become bigger than your fears.
You can start doing that work today. Or you can keep lying there, tied to the railroad tracks, waiting for fear to mow you down.
It’s up to you.
If you choose to tackle your fear NOW, then grab the 4 Steps to Uncover & Harness Your Fears workbook, turn off all distractions, and let’s get down to business…
Part 1: Fear, You Bastard
The Nefarious Ways Fear Can Sabotage Your Life
What is fear?
Before we start bad-mouthing it too much, let’s admit that fear is a handy tool. Back in the day (the caveman day) fear worked its butt off to keep our ancestors safe from sabre-toothed tigers and forest fires.
Unfortunately, our fear responses haven’t really kept up with the times.
Our brains don’t make much of a distinction between the deadly fear of a pit of rattlesnakes and the non-life-threatening fear of doing your first live webinar.
(Seriously, you CAN NOT die of embarrassment).
Mr. Money Moustache, who blogs about Financial Freedom Through Badassity, recommends remembering that fear is nothing more than a chemical in your body.
Are you scared to apply for a new job, switch careers, or search for a new house in a better location? That’s not because it’s a truly scary thing to do. It’s because there is a drop of liquid about as big as a flea that has been squirted into your blood stream and is making you just slightly scared. And it’s not helping you… remind yourself that all fear, unless it involves rapidly moving weapons, teeth, or claws, is actually bullshit.
So how did a flea-sized drop of liquid come to control almost every aspect of our lives?
Where does fear come from?
We’re born with some fears. Those are the ones our hominid homies learned and then passed down to us through the magic of evolution.
Some fears come from the people around us.
Want to travel? At least 18 people will tell you how dangerous and scary foreigners are. Want to cycle to work? Your mom will warn you that all drivers are crazy and cycling is a death wish.
Want to launch your own business? How many times have your 9 to 5er friends “helped” you by warning you that the economy is terrible and you will, in all probability, crash and burn in the first year?
The things your friends are afraid of become nagging little fears in the back of your own head.
Our biggest, scariest fears come from our own experiences.
One day when you were a kid, you chugged a cup of boiling hot chocolate. That hurt like a mother and the memory of that pain reminds you to let things cool before you drink them. Thanks Fear, that is actually useful information!
But then there was the time you wore a ridiculous outfit to school – a Spider-man costume, a pink poodle skirt, mismatched socks – and all the other kids laughed their asses off. Your brain generalized this experience into a fear of standing out from the crowd.
This experience made you hide all the amazing unique things about you and pretend to be someone you’re not. Not so useful, Fear.
We all have our unique set of crappy experiences and we all end up with our unique Fun Set of Fears!
These fears all pile up inside of us until…
What does fear do to sabotage you?
The tricky thing about fear is that it’s not always the kind of pounding heart, sweaty-palmed, dry-mouthed feeling you get when, say, you are about to jump from an airplane at 10,000 feet.
The kind of fear most solopreneurs experience is subtle. It’s a sneaky little bastard. It wears a thousand disguises and plays tricks on your mind.
Note: We are talking about everyday fears here. If you experience panic attacks, debilitating anxiety, PTSD, or other heart-stopping fears on a regular basis, please go see your doctor! If you’re not sure, read Dre’s post about How to Get Past the Shit That Holds You Back.
And then fear does its worst.
It makes you argue politics on Facebook when you should be creating a new landing page…
It makes you say “no” to a great opportunity when you should be shouting “yes”…
It leads you in circles, preventing you from finishing projects…
It keeps you from starting things you KNOW are vital to your business…
Fear tells you you’re too busy, not smart enough, not good enough, not cool enough to do the things you really want to do.
Author Elizabeth Gilbert says that fear is by far the most boring thing about you.
Your fear must not be allowed to make decisions about creativity, passion, inspiration, dreams. Your fear doesn’t understand these things, and so it makes the most boring possible decisions about them. Your fear mistakes creativity and inspiration for saber-toothed tigers and wolf packs. They aren’t. Creativity and inspiration are the vehicles that will transport you to the person you most need to become.
The good news is…
Part 2: You’re Not That Special
The Most Common Solopreneur Fears
It’s tempting to think that you’re special, isn’t it? It’s handy to believe that our own set of fears is somehow more powerful, more real, and more potent. If you have special fears, you have special excuses as to why you are stuck in your special rut.
But the truth is, your most successful mentors and all the people you admire battle the same fears you are battling right now.
My fear almost kept me from pitching this guest post to Dre. I was (and am) afraid that I don’t know enough, afraid I am a terrible writer, afraid I couldn’t hit the deadline. Only the unutterable irony of NOT writing a post about mastering fear because I was TOO AFRAID got me to the starter’s gate.
And what about Dre herself? Go on, ask her why she hasn’t launched her paid course yet.
We all know she’s a branding superstar, and yet when it comes to her branding course… in her own words, she’s been “too chicken shit to launch it”.
Or how about Leo Babuta, the wise Zen Habits guy who reveals the deepest parts of his soul to millions of people a year?
…for well over a decade of my adult life, I let the fear of not being good enough stop me from even trying, from even daring to dream… And I still have this same fear — I still worry that I’m not good enough, that I’ll fail and flop on my face in front of 100,000 people … but I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. Even the most successful people — Barack Obama, Steve Jobs, Paul McCartney, J.K. Rowling, et al — they have this fear, even if they don’t show it. But they don’t let it hold them back.
Your fears aren’t special. We ALL deal with the same ones.
It’s just that some people find a way of mastering fear…
…which means you can too.
First, you need to drag your fears out of the dirty little corners of your mind and take a good hard look at them.
Here are a few of the most common solopreneur fears, which you probably deal with, too:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of not fitting in
- Fear of being a total fake
- Fear of going broke
According to Leo Babuta:
These all boil down to the same fear: fear that you won’t be OK, that you’re not good enough. A lack of trust in yourself, and in the present moment.
Let’s call it the king of fears…
Fear of not being good enough.
So thus far we have established that:
- We all face fears
- Fears do nasty things to our working lives and our personal lives
- There’s no getting rid of fear
It all sounds pretty bleak so far, doesn’t it? But stick with me, it’s about to get much better…
Part 3: 10 Ways to Manage Fear
Smart Strategies to Keep Your Fear in its Place
Though we all have fear, that doesn’t mean we have to spend every moment in its service.
Since fear has so many faces, there is no one way to manage it. But, there are lots of simple tactics that can keep fear from taking over our lives.
1. Have a step-by-step plan.
Any important goal can be terrifying if you try to tackle it in one massive chunk. Say your goal is “I’m going to launch my 5-module course by July 4.” Yikes. That’s one big platter of overwhelm!
Just like eating an elephant, or climbing Everest, or riding your bike around the world, you can’t force it all down at once – that’s not how shit gets done.
Before fear has a chance to set in, break your goal into mini goals and then break your mini goals into bite-sized tasks. Tackling a bite-sized task is far less scary than eating an entire elephant.
(P.S. Don’t eat elephants please, that is just wrong – and fattening).
2. Focus on today.
If you’re constantly thinking about what might happen next week or next month, it’s easy for fear to grab ahold of your imagination. And once it gets started it comes up with the most imaginative, scary-as-hell scenarios and convinces you that they WILL ABSOLUTELY HAPPEN.
Instead, try focusing on what’s right in front of you, on what’s happening right now.
Do your bite-sized tasks and let the rest take care of itself.
3. Just get started.
Many great writers use this technique. They don’t sit around worrying that their writing sucks; they sit down at their desk and write. It’s only after they get started that inspiration comes.
It should be exactly the same for you. Your logo won’t be perfect on your first try (or your 10th) but it will get better and better with every attempt. Your first webinar probably won’t create $15,000 in sales, but you have to do the first webinar before you can do the second one, which (I promise) will be better.
Sit down and make a start without worrying about the ending.
4. Build confidence through daily small wins.
Fear and lack of confidence are usually two sides of the same coin. To escape this double-helix of doom, Lewis Howes says:
You’ve gotta build some small wins every day to build confidence and start believing in yourself.
How do you make sure to get a small win every day? First thing in the morning, list three things you WILL get done today. The list can include anything from “finish first draft of blog post” to “email evil client” to “do a load of laundry”.
The key is, each time you finish a task, cross it off your list and take a minute to throw a “Yay, me!” party. Your small wins will soon pile up into one big confidence boost.
5. Do something scary EVERY day.
This is the bumper sticker of self-help advice, but it is GOLD.
According to Noam Shpancer, Ph.D.:
…confronting your fear instead of backing down brings about a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Every time you confront your fear you gain power while your anxiety loses strength… Every time you confront your fear you accumulate evidence of your ability to cope.
So try to tackle a small scary task each day – make a sales call, shoot a short video, reach out to someone you admire – and soon you’ll feel a little less afraid about all of it.
6. Let it be easy.
This idea comes from Amy Porterfield – and I absolutely love it! Here’s what she says:
I tend to think that if I don’t work really really really hard on something and put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into it, it’s not going to be good. And then about a year ago I realized, wait a second, sometimes I can just let things be easy and they still work out really well and I’m still really successful with what I’m working on. It doesn’t always have to be a struggle. It doesn’t always have to be tough.
We often talk about how HARD the solopreneur life is. Sometimes, you just need to let it be easy and enjoy yourself. This will also help reduce the stress in your life, so – win win!
7. Focus on facts, not feelings.
We all have those moments of intense doubt, when all we can think is “I’m worthless”, “I’m so stupid”, “This idea sucks”, “This is never going to work”, “I can’t do it”. When you find yourself spiraling, don’t indulge it.
Instead, have a tough love conversation with yourself:
Your fear: “This is impossible, I can’t do it!!”
You: “Actually, you can.”
Your fear: “No I can’t, because I suck.”
You: “Actually, you’re the smartest person we know.”
Your fear: “But I don’t know what to do.”
You: “Yes, you do. Now shut up and get started.”
I know you already walk around the house talking to yourself – at least let those conversations be productive.
Talk yourself down. And if you can’t, call a friend or reach out to The Solopreneur Society. We’ll do it for you!
8. Enjoy the adventure.
The definition of adventure is “an unusual, exciting, and possibly dangerous activity”. If solopreneurship doesn’t qualify as unusual, exciting and possibly dangerous, I don’t know what does. So next time you’re faced with doing something scary in your business, reframe it – don’t call it terrifying, call it an adventure.
9. Get physical.
As solopreneurs, we are pretty much chained to our desks, churning out incredible content and rocking our client work. It’s easy to forget that our bodies need some love, too.
That’s terrible for our physical health – and disastrous for our mental health. It’s not news that exercise reduces stress and anxiety, not only while you’re doing it, but also over the long term.
So stop telling yourself you don’t have time for exercise – because exercise helps you master your fears, which means you will get MORE done in less time. (And you’ll be a lot less likely to have a heart attack while doing it.)
10. Get mental.
Making permanent shifts to your mindset is not easy and it’s not quick. Meditation can help you start digging up the amazing things about you, that, over the years, you’ve been taught to hide and bury in shame.
Think of meditation as a virtual sledgehammer. It can help you smash down the protective walls you’ve built up around yourself, so you can start remembering who you really are, in all your amazing glory.
When you start poking around in the deep places where your fears come from, you’ll start to gain power over those fears. Meditation also helps you focus, keeps you brainy, kills your stress and about a million other things.
Part 4: 4 Steps to Uncover & Harness Your Fears
Step 1: Recognize Your Fears
Fear can worm its way into our lives and screw with our minds because…
…it comes in 31 flavours and wears a thousand disguises.
Sometimes, fear pretends that it’s making practical, helpful suggestions (kind of like your mom).
“You’re not ready to do a webinar,” it whispers creepily in the back of your brain. “You don’t know enough to be taken seriously. You should wait until you are more of an expert. No one will listen to you. No one wants to hear what you have to say.”
Sometimes, fear is your a-hole boss, who is never happy with your work.
“That logo design is stupid,” Fear sneers, “That’s not a logo, that’s just a check mark! You are the worst designer. Why don’t you give up? You’re never going to be able to do this.”
Sometimes, fear disguises itself as your best buddy.
“We don’t feel like writing a blog post right now, do we?” says Fear. “Let’s just grab a glass of wine and check Facebook first. THEN we’ll get started.”
(Mmm… wine…)
No, not now fear! We’re busy!
How to spot fear a mile away.
Unmasking fear is the first step in mastering fear.
When fear comes to you in disguise you need to be able to rip off its mask and shout “Aha!” in fear’s devilish little face.
How do we know fear is at work?
Is there something you’ve been putting off for months that you KNOW would be just right for your business, but you can’t seem to get started?
Is there something EVERYONE is telling you you MUST do, but you just can’t find the time?
Is there a weekly task that, every time you sit down to tackle it, you practically lose the will to live?
Look a little closer at any of these and you’ll find fear lurking in a dark alley, snickering.
Here’s how to find it…
Take Action: Create a mind map to your fears.
This is where you stop passively scanning this post and start doing the work that will help you master your fears. Yes, there’s a handy workbook to keep you on track through the rest of this post! Get it now and get ready to kick your fears where it hurts.
OK, have you printed your workbook? Now grab a pencil and we’ll dive in.
Part 1:
What are you avoiding?
Think of one goal that has been on your to do list FOREVER.
It could be working on your first paid course, finally designing a logo that you love, doing blogger outreach, or hunting for new clients.
My one thing is guest posting. I KNOW how huge guest posting can be for my traffic, but I never seem to have enough time to find the right blogs, let alone to pitch them.
Write your task in the middle of your page and draw a big circle around it, mind map style.
Part 2:
What’s your excuse?
Take 3 minutes to brainstorm every single “reason” you have for avoiding your task.
Here’s mine:
Your turn. Do it now.
Don’t shred this mind map into a thousand pieces just yet. We’re going to use it…
Step 2: Own Your Fears
Figuring out EXACTLY what you’re afraid of can be excruciatingly hard to discover.
The mind map you just did represents the outer layer of your mind; it’s the story your conscious mind tells you to rationalize your fear.
Now let’s poke around in your brain, digging into the fertile soil where those excuses have been growing.
Take Action: Bust your excuses wide open.
Part 1:
Find the Source
Take your excuses and follow them beneath the surface. What’s behind them?
Here are a couple of excuses from my example about guest posting.
- I’m still learning how to do it → I don’t know enough yet → if I don’t know enough everyone will find out I’m a fake → FEAR: I am a know-nothing fake!
- The amount of traffic I get in return is not worth my time → because no one will read my guest post anyway → the owner of the blog will find out I’m a bad writer → FEAR: I don’t have anything useful to offer!
- I don’t have any ideas for guest posts → because I am not an expert → and I am not creative → FEAR: I am not smart enough!
Now do yours.
See how each of your excuses is just fear in disguise?
Part 2:
Pinpoint Your Exact Fear
Now, take that ugly little list and burn it.
Just joking. We’re not done probing inside your brain just yet.
(Isn’t this fun / horrifying?)
Let’s focus on the list of fears you just uncovered.
Do they maybe, possibly, probably all point to the exact same place?
Mine do…
FEAR: I am a know-nothing fake!
FEAR: I don’t have anything useful to offer!
FEAR: I am not smart enough!
They all come back to this underlying rumble…
I am not good enough to rock this solopreneur life.
Most of us, no matter how confident we are on the surface, are afraid we’re not good enough to live the exceptional lives we want to live.
That might seem depressing, but the good news is, we’re all in this together. We all share the same fear.
Plus, once you know EXACTLY what it is you’re most afraid of, you’re half-way (maybe even three-quarters of the way) to mastering it and using it to your advantage.
Part 3:
Own Your Fear
Don’t hide from your fear and don’t pretend that it doesn’t exist. Don’t try to bury it under a pile of bravado and bullshit.
Instead, I want you to OWN that freaking fear. It is a part of you. It IS you. Accept that it exists and shine a 1000 Megawatt flashlight on it.
Say it with me.
“I'm a solopreneur and I'm afraid of not being good enough.”Click To Tweet
Shout that fear out loud. Write it on a piece of paper, write it in your journal…
Hell, write it on the WALL in bright red lipstick!
Alright! We’re all shouting about our fear and owning it and giving it a makeover…
But what the hell do we do about it?
That’s where we’re going next…
Step 3: Down the Rabbit Hole
Are you ready? This part of the process can be kind of scary but I promise you will come out the other side strong enough to face your fears.
Take Action: Indulge your fear.
Now that you’ve plastered your biggest fear on the wall in Crimson Temptress No. 2, let’s indulge that little scuzzbucket for a minute.
Part 1:
Your Inner Drama Queen
Go back to your mind map and think about the task in the middle. Yes, that nagging task you’ve been avoiding like the plague.
Now indulge your fear.
What’s the absolute worst that could happen if your fear is actually REALITY? What happens if you do the task and your fears turn out to be true?
Sit back, close your eyes, and let your mind follow your fear wherever it leads. Take your fear to its most ridiculous conclusion.
Here’s mine for inspiration:
What if I am not good enough to be a solopreneur? What if I write a big-time guest post for an amazing blog (ahem) and no one reads it. Or worse still, what if everyone reads it and thinks it’s completely useless?
{Full disclosure: the very act of writing that sentence made my throat close up.}
So… what if this guest post and all my guest posting efforts in the future are total failures?
I will not build traffic to my blog which means I will never increase my mailing list. Which means if I ever launch a course, I will launch it to crickets and empty rooms. People I have met online will laugh at my failures and my family will pop up like ghouls at Halloween, laughing maniacally. Somewhere in the background, a scraggly parrot will endlessly repeat “I told you so, I told you so, I told you so.” Then, if I’m really lucky, I will find myself back in the corporate world, using my skills and talents to make money for a soul-sucking evil hell demon…
Drama queen much, brain?
That’s who your fear is – your inner drama queen. She will say anything to make you avoid risk.
Now do yours! Don’t be afraid…
…let your mind wander to the worst (im)possible conclusion.
So what happened in your scenario? Are you still alive? Are you still breathing? Unless your goal is to climb Everest, your worst case scenario probably didn’t kill you. So that’s good right? Even if the very worst were to happen, you are still alive to try again.
But, I can almost guarantee your worst case scenario is never going to happen. You know why?
Because your fear is NOT reality.
Part 2:
Letting Fear Win
Let’s take a minute to flip the scenario on its head.
What happens if you let your fear win, if you let it stop you from doing that “scary” thing you’ve been avoiding?
We’ve examined the terrifying results of completing that task.
But what about the risks of NOT doing it? What is the worst that happens if you never launch your course? What is the worst outcome if I DON’T do any guest posts?
I will not build the traffic to my blog which means I will never increase my mailing list. Which means if I ever launch a course, I will launch it to crickets and empty rooms. People I have met online will laugh at my failures and my family will pop up like ghouls at Halloween laughing maniacally…
OM effing G. How could it be the exact same outcome?!?
Because (I’ll say it again), louder…
“Fear is NOT Reality!”Click To Tweet
Fear will make up anything to keep you from taking a risk; it will try to convince you that you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It will do its best to keep you from making any decision whatsoever.
But it won’t win. Because you have a secret weapon…
Step 4: Your Optimism Machine
We’ve spent more than enough time giving credence to our brain’s fear machine. Now let’s focus on a different brain machine – one that probably needs a little oil and a tune up.
Your optimism machine.
Dust that sucker off, we’re taking it out for a spin.
Take Action: Indulge your hope.
Part 1:
Please Mr. Fantasy
This time, imagine completing your task and rocking it with 6 billion gold stars. You are the master of guest posting, you are the webinar queen!
Take your success to its most ridiculous conclusion.
Imagine you’re being showered with chocolates and flowers from your thousands of admirers. Your friends are dumping bottles of Dom Perignon over your head like you just won the freaking Stanley Cup. Your bank account is bulging so big it’s ready to explode. You have every single little thing you’ve ever wanted…
OK, get ahold of yourself, people. Let the thunderous applause fade away into the background.
Part 2:
Getting Real
Accolades and champagne showers are great, but what’s the real benefit of accomplishing your scary task?
Let’s do a list. Yes, another physical list.
Write the benefits you really hope to accomplish if you complete your scary task.
Here are mine. Guest posting will allow me to:
- Increase confidence about guest posting
- Get more experience and knowledge about guest posting
- Make a connection with another blogger
- Get more traffic to my site
- Reach more of the people I want to help
- Get more people on my mailing list
- Learn more about the topics I write about
Wow, what a list!
Sometimes fear can make you forget why you started something in the first place. Your list is a kick ass reminder of all the things you stand to gain.
Now it’s your turn. Write your list. Be realistic.
Part 3:
Embrace Your Reality
Take your REALITY list and stick it to the wall.
If you actually did write your fear on the wall, make sure your reality list covers it.
See what we did? The fear is still there, written on the wall. BUT, your reality list dominates the scene.
The fear is just a product of experience and biology, a chemical coursing through your body, a tool to keep you safe (and boring).
Reality is the antidote to that fear. Reality is where your focus should lie. Reality is what’s going to get you unstuck and blazing towards your goal.
You Can Master Fear…
It’s OK if you have fears. We all do and they are always there, hiding around the corner.
But remember, fear is just a product of experience and biology, a chemical coursing through your body, a tool to keep you safe (and boring).
You can take control of your fear by:
- Shining a spotlight on it
- Owning it
- Imagining your worst-case scenario
- Imagining your best case fantasy
- Focusing on your most likely reality
Then diminish the power fear has over you by:
- Having a step-by-step plan
- Focusing on today
- Just getting started
- Building confidence through daily small wins
- Doing something scary every day
- Letting it be easy
- Focusing on facts, not feelings
- Enjoying the adventure
- Getting some exercise
- Learning to meditate
None of this is easy, none of this will happen overnight, but if you start today, little by little, you’ll build courage and be well on the way to mastering fear.
What are the fears that block you from your goals? What fears drive you forward?
Share your best tricks for mastering fear in the comments below.
Hey, I’m Jane. My biggest fear is living an ordinary life; boredom terrifies the crap out of me! That’s why I help people find the courage to ditch their boring lives and chase their dreams on My Five Acres. Come on over and get your free (and totally do-able) 5-step guide to getting unstuck & starting your dream life… TODAY.